Monday, June 4, 2012

The Day My World Stood Still


I will never forget the date; it was March 27th, 2009. It was a great day for me in my career with the library. I was able, after years of asking, demonstrating and begging, to begin a Part Time Hourly Training Session. All three Area Circulation Supervisors were having the meeting, all with the same agenda points, all designed to bring continuity and clarity for these special employees. My meeting was a great success. Everyone enjoyed it and learned from it and I felt really great.

You know, they always say, worry is not worth it. They say the things that are really bad are the things that hit you smack in the face at 4 o’clock on a Tuesday afternoon.

Well, for me the really bad thing hit at 4 o’clock on a Friday afternoon.

I took a call here at work from Shannon. She had continued traveling for her job with the Army Audit Agency and had just flown back the day before from Texas. She told me she was sore on her right side and that she felt a lump in the bottom part of her breast. Call it mother’s intuition, call it maternal instinct- call it whatever you want. I knew something was very wrong. I thought immediately of Dr. B and how I felt as we left his office. I thought right away about the fact that the excision was on the same side.

But to Shannon I said this, "Shannon, I am sure it is not a big deal. Just call your doctor, it is probably a cyst. Cysts are common and that is probably what it is."

But my words sounded hollow to me. I felt like my world had just been rocked. My husband was out of town and even when he got back and I shared my thoughts with him-- I was told it was just fear talking to me and to not listen to it.

That Sunday morning after our church service, Shannon was sharing her news with some of my closest friends. When she walked away I told them I wanted to die. I told them I did not want to live anymore. I was thinking selfishly of course. I was in a world of despair all my own. I prayed, even had others pray for me and still could not shake that feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach. But I knew. I just knew.

Next, the tests begin: more mix-ups and the final word.

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