Susan:
This entry is a part of the blog where you may question what I say. You may ask, "Was Shannon in her right mind to make such a decision?" You may ask, "Why didn’t her husband step in and force the surgery on her?", "Why didn’t her mother vocalize what she felt and scream from the mountains, 'Have the surgery, Shannon! Have the surgery!'?"
This much I do know: our adult children will do as they want, not what we want. I lived this, I know.
It was January 2010; Shannon had finished 6 cycles of her clinical trial treatments. She was starting cycle 7 when she felt a small lump in the spot where the melanoma had been removed from her breast. She and her physician could not be certain that it was not breast fiber, scar tissue or something else for that matter. No conclusive results would be known medically without surgery. If Shannon’s cancer was back again, then for her it would mean going all the way back to Cycle 1 and starting again with 6 more months of the dreaded and sickening stomach shots of IL2.
Before Shannon and Ben told her father and me about the lump, they prayed. Shannon and Ben prayed until they felt they had direction and peace with their decision. Shannon told her father who in turn told me. No one knows about this but her immediate family. I am not sure she told anyone about this, ever. Shannon decided that she felt peace and should not have any surgery. Ben supported her decision. So when Sean told me that is how I was told. A decision was already made. Sean also felt that Shannon made the right decision. Christopher and I both had different feelings about this lump. I was happy and felt great joy that my daughter would trust the Lord with her body. She was exercising powerful faith. However, I felt Shannon should have the lump removed surgically. I felt that this was the only true way to know what it was and then deal with it accordingly. I felt that Shannon was in a fight for her life. I told Shannon one time-- only one time-- that I thought she should have surgery. She shut me down and told me to stop being negative. Shannon said what she needed was positive support. So that is what she got from me. But as hard as I tried I could not shake that uneasy feeling of the possibility of cancer being left to do its deadly work. Throughout the rest of Shannon’s battle that lump would come and go. In the end this is where the spreading began and took off like a wild fire. I never felt sicker at heart that I had been right. I didn’t want to be right.
I have shared these feelings with you for a testimony of what real strength in weakness is all about. What a gift my daughter received that she was able to have so much faith in her decision. For me? Well, for me my feelings are best left at the feet of a loving God, who loves me and will help me to emerge from the ashes I find myself in. I will emerge from the ashes a stronger woman, a more tender woman, who has suffered and learned a lesson that could only be taught by living it.
I know as a reader of my blog posts this one may seem so different to you. But it is an important entry. Shannon was strong in faith. Strong in love, strong really in everything she did. She was a truly amazing person who I respected and admired. She held fast to the promise she felt she had gotten from her Saviour. Was she right? Was she wrong? I don’t know. Is there a right? Is there a wrong? I don’t know. This I do know: Shannon teaches us all by how she lived and how she believed until she had no more breath.
Showing posts with label surgery. Show all posts
Showing posts with label surgery. Show all posts
Monday, September 24, 2012
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
Pirate Boots and Scars
Shannon:
July 28, 2009
To date I have had a total of three surgeries as part of my treatment. I underwent a lumpectomy, an axilliary lymph node disection, and a total of three excisions of the same spot on my right side. Three surgeries later and looking into the mirror it is hard to come to grips with what my body looks like now. While logically I know it’s vain and shallow and the scars will fade over time, emotionally it is a different story.
July 28, 2009
To date I have had a total of three surgeries as part of my treatment. I underwent a lumpectomy, an axilliary lymph node disection, and a total of three excisions of the same spot on my right side. Three surgeries later and looking into the mirror it is hard to come to grips with what my body looks like now. While logically I know it’s vain and shallow and the scars will fade over time, emotionally it is a different story.
To a 26 year old woman nothing can kill feeling sexy, attractive, or wanted like three very noticeable scars on one side of your body. Especially when those scars are all located on the same side of the body – one on the ribcage curving towards the back, one on the right breast, and one running the width of the armpit. It’s hard to imagine how in anyone’s mind, even in the husband who vowed for better or worse, to see them and think “how beautiful”. How do you find your inner sexy and get your groove back with these glaring scars staring back at you from the mirror?
My answer, really any decent shoe addict’s answer – pirate boots.
So yes , my answer to coming to terms with your physical appearance after surgery is an awesome pair of leather boots - preferably knee-high and pirate-like in appearance. All you have to do is dip into your imagination and wallet and the gleam is back into your eyes!
My answer, really any decent shoe addict’s answer – pirate boots.
You may ask yourself how do a pair of knee-high, butterscotch leather, stiletto boots with a cuff help you feel sexy despite your scars? Well, as you slide that smooth leather up your legs and zip yourself in so the leather is gently hugging and outlining your calves you can’t help feel a little sexy. Then as you rise to your feet and admire your newly achieved three inch taller height you feel a little bit more in control and powerful too. Now stand in front of a full length mirror. Do you still see a girl with some scars and a couple of pounds she’d like to lose?
Oh no…you see a superhero – wonderwoman in her glory, or maybe a curvacious, bawdy pirate wench. These kind of women would of course have scars. You can’t defeat villians with super powers without getting a little cut up, and you can’t be a very successful scourge of the seas without getting nicked every now and then by an enemy’s cutlass.
So yes , my answer to coming to terms with your physical appearance after surgery is an awesome pair of leather boots - preferably knee-high and pirate-like in appearance. All you have to do is dip into your imagination and wallet and the gleam is back into your eyes!
Friday, June 8, 2012
Surgeries
Susan:
On April 23, 2009, Shannon and I met with Dr. G, who specializes in cancer surgeries. Shannon had done her reading and research on this doctor and he was written up in, What’s Up Annapolis, as one of our areas best surgeons. Upon meeting Dr. G. we both had a feeling of confidence that Shannon was in good hands.
Dr. G. explained to Shannon and me that what she had was called- Metastasized Melanoma with an Unknown Primary. It was yet to be determined that the initial mole removed was the first spot of Melanoma. Dr. G. told us that Shannon would need to have a PET scan done and he would operate to remove the melanoma and also do a sentinel lymph node biopsy during the surgery.
On May 6, 2009, Shannon had her first of many surgeries. We were all in the back of the hospital waiting for her to be wheeled in for surgery when Dr. G came in. We had yet to hear the very important results from the PET scan. I asked Dr. G. what Shannon’s results were from the scan. He apologized, went out to find her records, came back and told us it was clear except for the one spot. I began to sob, happy sobs, but sobs none the less.
Shannon was allowed to go home that evening after the surgery. On Friday, May 8th, Dr. G. called to tell Shannon that no cancer was found in her lymph nodes and that he had cut a good margin.
Dr. G. took Shannon’s unusual case to the Tumor Board, where they were split on a decision to do an additional surgery called an ancillary lymph node dissection (removal of her lymph nodes). Taking Dr. Gs. advice Shannon went along with the suggested surgery, of course hoping for a better out come for a longer life.
This surgery ended up being much harder for her as she was fitted with a drainage system that sprang a leak on her the second day after surgery. I was staying with her when we had to whisk her quickly into the surgeon’s office where he fixed the leak and unfortunately he bandaged her back up. For the next two days Shannon was in excruciating pain. Finally her dad had the presence of mind to once again call the best nurse around, Peggy Holston, who came to our rescue. Peggy came by and simply re wrapped the drainage line and the pain went away. Peggy told us to never let a surgeon do the wrapping. Always allow a nurse to do that part.
During this time Shannon and Ben were doing a lot of praying. They prayed until they had peace and faith that their outcome would be a good one. They asked the family to not talk negatively around them. They wanted to walk in faith, believing for Shannon’s healing. It is what we all wanted.
Next entry- Shannon meets her Medical Oncologist, who tells her there, is no cure drug for her stage Melanoma and refers her to a clinical trial. Then we will hear from Shannon. As we hear her own words, we can feel the faith and hope she walked in. Shannon will amaze you.
On April 23, 2009, Shannon and I met with Dr. G, who specializes in cancer surgeries. Shannon had done her reading and research on this doctor and he was written up in, What’s Up Annapolis, as one of our areas best surgeons. Upon meeting Dr. G. we both had a feeling of confidence that Shannon was in good hands.
Dr. G. explained to Shannon and me that what she had was called- Metastasized Melanoma with an Unknown Primary. It was yet to be determined that the initial mole removed was the first spot of Melanoma. Dr. G. told us that Shannon would need to have a PET scan done and he would operate to remove the melanoma and also do a sentinel lymph node biopsy during the surgery.
On May 6, 2009, Shannon had her first of many surgeries. We were all in the back of the hospital waiting for her to be wheeled in for surgery when Dr. G came in. We had yet to hear the very important results from the PET scan. I asked Dr. G. what Shannon’s results were from the scan. He apologized, went out to find her records, came back and told us it was clear except for the one spot. I began to sob, happy sobs, but sobs none the less.
Shannon was allowed to go home that evening after the surgery. On Friday, May 8th, Dr. G. called to tell Shannon that no cancer was found in her lymph nodes and that he had cut a good margin.
Dr. G. took Shannon’s unusual case to the Tumor Board, where they were split on a decision to do an additional surgery called an ancillary lymph node dissection (removal of her lymph nodes). Taking Dr. Gs. advice Shannon went along with the suggested surgery, of course hoping for a better out come for a longer life.
This surgery ended up being much harder for her as she was fitted with a drainage system that sprang a leak on her the second day after surgery. I was staying with her when we had to whisk her quickly into the surgeon’s office where he fixed the leak and unfortunately he bandaged her back up. For the next two days Shannon was in excruciating pain. Finally her dad had the presence of mind to once again call the best nurse around, Peggy Holston, who came to our rescue. Peggy came by and simply re wrapped the drainage line and the pain went away. Peggy told us to never let a surgeon do the wrapping. Always allow a nurse to do that part.
During this time Shannon and Ben were doing a lot of praying. They prayed until they had peace and faith that their outcome would be a good one. They asked the family to not talk negatively around them. They wanted to walk in faith, believing for Shannon’s healing. It is what we all wanted.
Next entry- Shannon meets her Medical Oncologist, who tells her there, is no cure drug for her stage Melanoma and refers her to a clinical trial. Then we will hear from Shannon. As we hear her own words, we can feel the faith and hope she walked in. Shannon will amaze you.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)